I texted some of my friends via gmail, Facebooked an early Christmas greeting, and responses started coming in. My friends and loved ones reminded me that they were only as far as my mind would allow them to be. Here I was on the trip of a lifetime, a dream come true, and I was sulking about my loneliness because of a mind game I was playing with myself. I said to myself "Get your shit together!" And that's what I did.
I talked to some of my closest loved ones on Skype and chatted on Facebook. Then I started to make a list of all the things I was thankful for in my choosing of this experience, and being away for Christmas, and more importantly, winter. Yes I was alone. But at a very young age I was traveling around the world free of the freezing cold and snow. This was the greatest Christmas gift of all! I had made several friends in just a short week of arriving in Auckland. I was living in a wonderful place, and I had a Christmas party to attend just a couple hours away.
That's exactly what I did. I had picked out my outfit. A nice pair of slacks, a short sleeved black and white collared shirt, and nice black shoes. I was looking sharp. My flatmate asked me "Are you going to a flash Christmas party?"
I said "A what?"
"Flash, you know...(in heavy kiwi accent) dress up?" he asked.
"I don't know, but this is what I'm wearing."
Come to find out I was overdressed. Regardless I wasn't too overdressed. My mentor once told me that you don't have to wear your best outfit everywhere you go, you just have to be the best dressed for the occasion that you are attending. Good advice, and that day I had followed it. Turned out to be a great move on my part, which I'll explain later.
My friend picked me up, an older retired "pomme" as the local calls them. A Brit. He had been one of my contacts here for the gay scene as I'm doing research on the subject. He had arrived in Auckland for the first time in 1981. First as a visitor. He returned many times, being in love with the island lifestyle and the wonderful people that New Zealand offers. For him it was familiar to a certain degree yet slower moving, and the weather was perfect. After he retired he moved here permanently. Well as permanently and a travel visa will allow you. He is allowed six months of time here and then leaves for a short period, usually to Australia. Only to return with a fresh travel visa and another six months to stay. It's a minor technicality. I asked him why he didn't fit the 'criteria', as he put it, for citizenship. He said "Oh not enough money and no skilled trade being that I'm retired. They want you to put a lump sum of money in their bank for seven years at zero interest, so I just take a holiday every six months and remain a citizen of the UK." Made enough sense to me and seems like a relatively inexpensive solution versus hiring an immigration attorney or losing all that opportunity cost of a no return CD with the bankers of New Zealand.
We first went to a "Christmas for Orphans" sponsored by one of the local gay organizations and was held at a park pavilion. We were the first to arrive, though technically we were late. Finally some people started showing up. I met two women that have the same name. They seemed very outgoing and friendly. The one was trying to figure out exactly where in the US I was from by my accent. She admitted that she originally was from the Philadelphia area. She claimed to have no kiwi accent at all. She had been in Auckland for 8 years, and she most certainly had an kiwi/philly accent.
They were both transgendered. Male to female actually. It was surprising to me to learn this because I didn't suspect at first. I made the assumption that they were a lesbian couple, but then after a closer look I could see the hints of transition. They were very friendly and demanded that I have a sandwich before I left the party. One of them had made a stuffed hen. Her stuffing was made with homemade sausage and homemade smoked bacon. This was a very handy transgendered lady. I can't tell you of ever hearing anyone smoking their own bacon. The homemade stuffing was delicious.
After saying our good byes we headed off to the house party. We arrived around 3:30pm. The kitchen was filled with Thais. Four thai ladies and four thai guys. Our hosts were a decently wealthy older white gentleman and his thai domestic partner. Everyone was very polite and introduced themselves. Then they took back to their partying and clamoring on in thai. On the counter was a whole fish, with its head and all, crab salad, papaya salad, dumplings, noodles, and other classic thai fair. It was Christmas Thai style. It came to light that these ladies worked for our host in his business and was close friends with his partner.
Slowly more of the gay kiwi crowd started showing up. That's when I knew I had chosen the right outfit. Classism is every where you go. And in the land of kiwis it's no different. Especially in the gay world. As I mentioned in my last blog it is very common to see older white men with younger attractive asian men. I was not there to be put on the lower class of trophy wife, but to be acknowledged as and equal to these men. I had succeeded in business, educated, and have my own money. If I was going to be seen as an equal I had to be the best dressed. And I was.
The Thai Christmas was getting wrapped up. Food away, and dishes done, and the Thais saying their goodbyes. The wine was flowing and the laughs were rolling. I started to feel a little drunk. Sure enough I should have eaten something but hadn't made the time for it. The thai food, usually my favorite, didn't strike my fancy. Then there was a Christmas day miracle, I found a hidden zip lock container of dumplings hiding on the table behind some discarded wrapping paper. They were delicious and exactly what I wanted. I broke them out and a guest arrived with a tapas platter.Then we started gnashing. The dumplings disappeared with a flash. Ah, but I was content.
Slowly smells of a maple glazed ham was in the air. The potatoes were boiling. The wax, green, and lima beans were sautéing. Yes, it was a kiwi Christmas on the way. Our host had donated the ham, which was beautiful, gigantic, and succulent, to a Christmas Raffle Fundraiser for one of the local gay organizations. Two years in a row he held the winning ticket. He donated the ham and then won it back. I said the whole thing reeked of corruption on the highest levels and even joked that George W. must be involved. We all had a good laugh. That's what we did more than anything. More than drinking of the wine, more than eating of the food, laughter filled the air. Two instances I found myself so in stitches that tears were flowing down my face. Which only made everyone else laugh even harder. There's something to say about spending Christmas with a bunch of gay guys you don't even know from Adam. All I can say is they were the most hilarious blokes I had spent time with in a long time. And each joke or story would role into another, as if these guys had been playing tennis for years. Not in a competitive way either, more like some synchronized ballet of gay comedy.
I overate...that ham was amazing. I overdrank...it was as if Jesus himself were there replenishing the wine. I had all the laughs I could take. I spent time one on one with many of the guys getting to know them, about their business, and sharing about my story. We outdrank the asians. They were on the couches sleeping off their food and wine coma. I had a coffee and was ready to get lateral myself. I made it home. I felt content with my Christmas. I hadn't unwrapped a single present. It was the first Christmas I didn't receive any gifts, which wasn't even the slightest bit strange to me. I had given myself the gift of a lifetime this year. No one could out do that, except perhaps Jesus himself.
Another Christmas Day miracle!
After I arrived home I did my ritualistic online stuff. Checking of the email and facebook. I saw that there was a message from a local gay hook up site. I checked it, and also on line was a native Maori. He was just my type. A professional contemporary dancer, and no that is not fancy talk for stripper, I made sure to ask. The best part he lived just a ten minuet walk away. Without hesitation I scooted on down there. His flatmates were away at their family's for holiday and we had the place to ourselves. We sat up and talked for hours and then we started making out. We slept the night away and awoke in each others arms. Yes it was a Christmas Night sleep over, yes we were complete strangers, but it really was the perfect ending to a very non-traditional Gay Christmas. I have nothing to regret and only everything to celebrate.
My day started out anxious and depressing because this Christmas was going to be without the ones I know and the love the most. I picked up my boot straps and marched into Christmas with a good attitude. I bought the ticket and took the ride. I had a blast with my new gay friends and ended my night with the sweetness and romance of a beautiful and endearing man. It was perfect in a strange, foreign, and gay way.
In memory of my friend David C. Zimmerman who passed away December 18th, 2010
"He was the only gay guy we knew that could come in swinging a purse and nobody would say a damn thing!"
You are missed David :)
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