Weekend at the "Bach"

In the area of Indiana where I am from all summer long when you ask someone what they have planned for the weekend there is a good chance they'll reply "Going to the lake." One of my friends that was new to Indiana asked me the that very question and my response was "Going to the lake."

She said "Oh my god Dustin, where is this lake that everyone is always going?"

I laughed and said "Oh, everyone here has a 'lake', there are a dozen or so within an hour from the city. We all have a lake house or a friend with a lake house, that's what we do in the summer. We go to the lake, bbq, drink, play games, boat, jet ski, and practice the art of doing."

When I was younger we would go to the lake "cottage". A small undesirable structure that was one step above camping. Nowadays we have lake homes, which are many times fully functioning homes or even palatial estates.

This is the story of the "Bach", pronounced "Betch". definition in New Zealand; a small weekend or vacation house or shack is very similar to that of the lake cottage. Once considered a shack has now evolved to a home, and again, in some instances a palatial estate. Our bach was in between. Beautiful view of the Firth of Thames. My weekend there was a bit foggy and rainy, but wonderful none the less. Having come from gross winter, just being able to run around in shorts and jandals (japanese sandals as named by the kiwi's) was a real treat for me.

My host for my visit here invited me to join him with his friends for this weekend of relaxation. It was our host's childhood home. He and his family lived there until they all grew up. Now all of them live in Auckland City. They rent the bach out via the internet to people wanting to get away for the weekend. I'm not sure for how much, but I estimate somewhere between $200 to $300NZD a night. It sleeps eight comfortably, is walking distance to the beach, and driving distance to the Miranda Hot Springs. Miranda Hot Springs claims to be the largest hot springs in the Southern Hemisphere. www.mirandahotsprings.co.nz/

That's where we kicked off our weekend. Myself and 7 other gay men. The hot springs is 38 degrees c, which is about 100 degrees f. They also sport an Adults Only Sauna Hot Spring that is about 40 degree c, or 104 degrees f. Basically it's hot, however you measure it. We soaked and soaked until we just couldn't take it any more. Then we had a classic New Zealand BBQ. Which consisted of Sausages and Lamb Chops. From what I gathered the Sausages are quite popular on the BBQ. I could personally leave them out, but they seem to be a crowd pleaser. They lack any real taste, in my humble opinion, were the consistency of hot dogs with greater girth and less flavor. (Sounds like a date I had :)

That's not to complain about the food here by any means. New Zealand is a rich and diverse place when it comes to culture and food. They may not know sausage, but they do know Yoghurt, Bacon, Lamb, and Wine. These are the items you will see with great pride in their grocery stores. When it comes to restaurants all types of Asian cuisine are represented. You know that that makes me very happy.

They aren't afraid of hearty delicious yoghurt. Everyone must be eating it here in droves. It's available in all types of varieties, in large quantities, and at a very good price. I'm currently addicted to Mammoth Supply Co's thick yoghurt with Fruit, Seeds, Grains, and Barley. It is an anorexics dream. It is delicious, filling, and good for you. I can only eat half of the 325g serving in a sitting. Their marketing says that it is a man's yogurt made by men. Sounds delicious and gay enough for me! Now if only I could catch the anorexia and I would be truly happy.

For those of you that don't know me, Bacon is my favorite meat. Even if I were to become a vegetarian I would still eat bacon. It just gratifies me on all levels. That is if it's not overcooked. Crunchy bacon is a sin against God and Man. There is one occasion that I will overlook crunchy bacon and that is crumbled in my salad, but even then I curse the bacon killer for their grave ignorance and disrespect. Bacon is meaty, fatty, and deliciously flavorful. For all you fat fear mongers the truth is some fat, including animal fat, is very good for you. (It's the empty carbs and the sugar that are the real enemy, sorry for attacking your friends.) Here in New Zealand you won't find any over cooked or crunchy bacon. These kiwi's have a spiritual relationship with my favorite breakfast meat. It doesn't come in little fat laden strips either. It is large ovals of bacon that is mostly meat, and did I mention, properly cooked.

When I go on the hunt for lamb in my neck of the woods I often am delighted to find beautiful chops, ground lamb, racks, and legs all marked down because of it's lack of popularity. It is usually New Zealand lamb. I buy it all and horde it in my freezer. No luck with that hear on the island of New Zealand. Oh you'll find all the varieties I mentioned and many more, but at full price. Full price here is dramatically less than in the states seeing it's a local product. I'm in good company as a lamb lover in the land of kiwis.

For years I have prided myself with my expansive knowledge of wine. I made a good living in fine dining for years selling reserve wines to customers based on my hypnotic sales techniques and ability to communicate my passion for wine. My first visit to the wine department at the local supermarket here I felt like so many novice wine consumers; inundated. The majority of wines were from New Zealand and Australia. I did what any good consumer would do, I bought based on how attractive the label was and price. I have tried 9 varieties of wine so far and have been very pleased. My first wine was actually a kiwi fruit wine. I typically steer clear of fruit wines as they tend to be overly sweet and rich. This was not the case with kiwi wine. I liken it to a rich sauvignon blanc, which is really oxymoronic to write. Nevertheless the wine was very good. As have all the wines I have tried from the light Blancs to the rich Cab blends, I am a happy (slightly drunken) camper.

As I mentioned before New Zealand is rich with diversity and culture. As I began my adventure here I walked the famous Queen Street in City Center. I saw all types of people, except not one single black person. Today on my way back from a run I passed my first black person. He was wearing a fubu sweat outfit, how stereotypical, but it's the facts jack. On our weekend getaway it was even Asians 4, Whites 4. Thai, filipino, Malaysian, and me (Euro-White Asian Mix) and four kiwis that claim to come from scottish clans. Must be a homo gene in the scotts' pool, which explains why they like wearing skirts so much.

We soaked, BBQ'd, and played games. I had to travel all the way around the world to discover the difference between Ping Pong and Table Tennis. Besides a slight difference in the rules Ping Pong, aptly named, is when you bounce the ball on your side once of the table before returning it to your opponent. In table tennis you return the ball directly. I now know I like Ping Pong better. Then there were the darts, which was a relaxing all inclusive game. I kept refilling everyone's wine and they claimed that to be an American behavior. I quickly corrected them and told them that that was just the restauranteur in me. That I couldn't help because I was so accustomed to refilling wine, adding it to the bill and then adding the automatic gratuity! They seemed to like my explanation, maybe I should have been honest with them and told them I'm an alcoholic enabler :)

The next day we went muscle hunting in the ocean. Let me correct that statement. I walked down to the ocean with them with my  umbrella, and took a couple of photos. The actual hunting was done by our host for the weekend and a fellow guest. A brawny malaysian that captured the bulk of the bounty, 11 large muscles total. Then I was accosted by a true native kiwi. He was friendly at first. Asking me where I was from and complimenting me on my unique features. After telling him that I was from the US his tone changed dramatically. He actually got offensive with me accusing me of having an American attitude and kept mumbling some dramatic mantra he had memorized about what sons of bitches we American's are. I looked at him with confusion and he said "Yeah, that's right! You have a filthy American attitude, I have half a mind to correct that attitude right here".

Not really understanding where he was coming from or talking about I decided that I had had enough of the uneven rocky beach, spitting rain, and picture taking, and returned to the bach. I don't really think he had any real rationalization for his behavior, he reminded me of any other lunatic from the US or elsewhere.

Sunday night after getting back to the city I went out to a Gay meet and greet. A totally unorganized lot of men that had been meeting every Sunday for almost 20 years. They were mostly older white kiwi's and brits and their asian counter parts. This is becoming a theme as I become more exposed to the gay community here. White men with asian...boys...men, well asian males. We'll put it that way. There is no discretion about age is what I'm trying to infer here. This group was very friendly and wouldn't let me buy a drink. And they were very cordial about moving me through the group to meet everyone.

Kiwi's for the most part are very nice. It's a sincere niceness. They are welcoming and from what I hear especially nice to foreign visitors. Thus far that has been my experience. Since I have arrived here I have been invited to the Bach, Christmas, and New Years by complete strangers. Maybe it's my handsome good looks, or my charming personality, both are true but I believe it's because these are very welcoming and warm people.